finding the flow

At the best of times running can be beautiful. I dare not say what running can be at the worst of times... I have found that the hardest thing about any run is making it out of the front door. I often beat up on myself for a ' bad' run, for not finding my natural running rhythm, or for just being slow... How silly can I be? What it comes down to is that I was the one that had the balls to leave the house. On a cold a cold winter morning, or night for that matter, I drag myself out of the house. There are a million other things that I could be doing, but I make the choice.
Tonight on my run I did not have the stress release that I was looking for. This release was the only thing that I was looking for. I am restless. I am tired. I am angry. I wanted to release all of those feelings tonight. None of that happened. I know that it is because I need to understand why I have these feelings before pounding them out on the pavement. I guess at times we need to work out the problem before we can truly dismiss it. At times I am lucky enough to fix my problems during my run. This, of course is not a luxury on every run. I guess deep down I know exactly why I have these feelings.. I am just not strong enough to confront them.